Spring Forward
We are excited to welcome Natanya back from parental leave
and to share her reflections with the community.
It was this time last year. I found myself at Bolton, laden in ski gear for maybe the third time in my life. Brilliant sunshine and the warmth of fellow Unlikely Riders shared greetings and Morning Light’s steamed dumplings. Jason and I waded through puddles and the mud of Spring Equinox. Sliding on snow - certain firsts you don’t forget. The rush of flying. The thin veil, the thrill between trust and control… I had learned just enough to feel somewhat confident I might not die, propelled by the new realization that I could indeed learn to slow down later.
The day before, we stood sunning on a warm ledge looking east over Champlain, listening to the crackling - ice breaking - Red Rocks below.
Last spring realized a budding in me. I was with child and began the journey of waxing full, of softening, of opening.
My baby is now three-and-a-half months old as I step back into WholeHeart from parental leave, holding the full arc of a year's time. Similar to the rush of sliding on snow, I feel the nerves, the joy again; I’m riding the edge of trust and control. I’m moving more slowly this time, feeling the heart's embrace of work that I love and relationships that nourish me. Relearning my limits in a new body and with a new person.
We are indeed capable of strange and wonderful things. In the full of the moon, I see the invitation to welcome what is waxing full in oneself and experience. Big feelings, wonder, awe, sadness, hunger, delight. How can it all inhabit this one body, this one heart?
This past week also marked the two year anniversary of shut down. In the monotony of fatigue and sorrows, is there a crackling you can hear? Is there a sliver of light where you might direct your gaze? Or a memory/knowing to which you can let your heart journey? Where do you find the tension between trust and control?
Reach, stretch, try. It’s in kindness that humanity revels.
Natanya Vanderlaan is the Director of Development and Community Engagement at WholeHeart, Inc. She lives in Burlington, VT with her husband and Jason and baby Luther.